Procrastination and Meditation

Lately I have been unable to get anything done. There are a lot of projects on my plate right now and most of them require my full attention in order to complete them. My full attention has been hard to come by this week. Monday started out pretty good and I got started on a project that I had been putting off for a longtime. I made some really good progress but by Tuesday it was all I could do work on it. My mind just could not focus on that project or on any tasks I tried to complete. Wednesday was pretty much the same. More projects came to mind that I needed to work on, but nothing has been done. Last night I hardly slept at all and my mind kept going over things that are bothering me causing me to have little rest. Normally I sleep pretty good so when I miss a night of sleep it’s hard to do much the next day, thus today has been another unproductive day.

This morning I read something on a blog — unfortunately I can’t remember which blog it was — which suggested procrastination could actually be a beneficial practice. Usually when we procrastinate a project it’s because we are actually thinking about it even though we might not actually work on it or see any progress made. Sometimes that thinking is in the back of our minds and when we actually sit down to accomplish the task all of that time we spent procrastinating reveals another way of solving the problem or addressing the project. So actually the procrastination brought about a better way of accomplishing the task.

After I read this it donned on me that I often procrastinate getting things done because I’m not sure how I want to tackle them. But as the project simmers on the back burner of my mind the creative juices begin to permeate and a way to handle the project becomes clear. So my lack of accomplishment is really not a lack of accomplishment and I handle my projects better because of the time spent “cooking” them.

That made me feel better but I knew something still was not right with me. This afternoon I read something on another blog that God has used to open my eyes and get me thinking about my situation in a different way. (Not my lack of progress, rather the troubles that keep me up at night.) It’s funny that God will often use something that seems totally unrelated to me or my situation and yet it will speak volumes to me as I meditate on the thoughts he puts in my mind.

Okay — I was reading the Perspectives in Motion blog by D. L. Foster and the post was titled: The Problem with Preachers. It had something to do with a pastor/bishop in the DC area who issued an apology/non-apology for perceived offenses in regards to something he said while preaching on Palm Sunday. This has nothing to do with my situation, but something that DL said in regards to his disappointment with other things that were said in this apology/non-apology turned a light on in my head.

Something was said about a support group at that church which the bishop referred to as “… a support group for those who wanted help in pursuing a heterosexual orientation.” DL was disappointed because he felt that the bishop does not have a full understanding about overcoming homosexuality. (That has nothing to do with my situation but the next part is where I had that “light going on in my head” moment.) DL writes, “God’s desire for us is never to make us heterosexuals as a goal, but that we walk in holiness. With the same level of heterosexual fornication as perhaps fornication going on in the church today, heterosexuality is not the answer, holiness is.” There it was — that phrase walk in holiness. My mind started meditating on it and as I read further this other part jumped out at me: “No wonder people get discouraged, pursuing heterosexuality instead of holiness creates the perfect inversion of Matthew 6:33.”

Matthew 6:33 NIV: “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” As I meditated on this passage I began to see that I have been neglecting this in my life lately. Verses 30-33 from The Message paraphrase helps me understand it even more: “If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don’t you think he’ll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I’m trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don’t worry about missing out. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. ”

After I meditated on this word spoken by Jesus my mind became clear and the fog that has seemed to linger this week has been lifted. I cannot be who God has called me to be unless I am walking with him — seeking his kingdom and pursuing his righteousness or as it were pursuing holiness. God will add the rest as he sees fit as long as I am seeking him daily. God is good. I hope you know this yourself.